Let’s Have a Talk
Happy Sunday! You may have noticed I have been a bit absent here. An in all honesty I have been struggling to find the motivation to share content with you. Life seems chaotic even though its not busy and the blog always seems too far away to reach at the moment. So I thought I would share this little update with you. Just to remind you that I am still here and for now, not going anywhere.
The Life Update
As I mentioned above. My life seems so chaotic even though the only thing I seem to be doing is work. I am currently working full time but only find myself with days off during the week. When no one is around. Which is a perfect time to write but not great for taking photos. It also means that I haven’t perfected the social aspect of my life (that doesn’t mean social media by the way, although we will get to that later). It can mean I’m spending my free time sitting in the house when I know I could be doing better things.
But when you are constantly trying to control anxiety and low moods it can be a hard thing to convince yourself to try something new. And speaking of my mind. I have found it has started playing little games again, not only with moods but with thoughts too. To begin with I lost a strong friendship at the end of last year which has played on my mind ever since. Not really understanding what went wrong. 5 years of memories vanished without a trace or a reconciliation! However it really knocked my confidence. This was someone I really thought I could rely on. Someone who would listen and understood, and understood me.
To begin with I just doubted who I was as friend. Feeling angry yet paranoid that I didn’t have good qualities. Then it progressed to my self-worth as a creative, a content creator. Constantly scrolling through Instagram believing other people were better being bloggers than I was. Comparing my creative styles with people who had been doing it for years, or doing it full time. This is not what blogging meant to me, nor was it something I had ever done in the past. Learning from experience I knew it was time to take a few steps back.
The Blog Update
Not feeling comfortable with how your life is can affect you as a blogger. As a result it left me uninspired and with a lack of motivation. So as a result I didn’t update you on a regular basis. But its also not as if I didn’t have content to share with you because I did. I have about 10 posts sitting in my drafts. I just wasn’t writing to the best of my ability, I was struggling to write exciting content because I was excited. Or because I was putting pressure on myself to get something published.
Another problem with getting content out was, photos! I didn’t have the time or the help to take high quality photos. My main focus with this new site was to bring more of myself into my content, including in the photos. Not just relying on flat lay. Which in my eyes can be so impersonal depending on the topic. This is another reason why I kick myself for not making more of an effort to meet people in the blogging community. There are probably plenty of amateur photographers right here in Edinburgh willing to help out a struggling blogger.
Don’t get me wrong I am so proud of what I have managed to achieve so far. And I am so happy I still have the urge to blog. But now the site reaches its 1 year anniversary (click here to see my 1st post), I have found myself reflecting on what I like and dislike about the blog. One thing that sticks out the most is the sites design. Its not right for my content or vision at this point in time. And it can effect the way I view my finished content. Which in its own way has contributed to my lack of motivation.
As you can probably tell its been a bit of rocky few months but its time to refocus. Although it may take a bit of time. But most importantly its not the end of stephfinny.com. So first things first with the anniversary of the blog will come a new site design. Something that I feel will be better at showcasing my content and spark some inspiration. Also I will be starting to get organised again as I have managed to persuade my manager to give me more weekends off which means taking photos will be a lot more easier. In terms of everyday life, I hope to push myself again. I want to start doing new things, maybe learn new things (Like one of these short courses). Basically get out more! Not being stuck in the house on my days off.
Hopefully ranting this out to you has cleared my mind. And if you have managed to read this until the end then thank you so much. Now I want to hear from you, what would you like to see on stephfinny.com in the future? Is there a particular topic you would like me to discuss or is there an area you would like me to branch out into like podcasting or vlogging? Let me know in the comments below.
Hope to see you soon!!